Ozark Oddities: Part I

People, particularly children, are poor judges of just how abnormal their normal environment is. Which is to say, we all assume until proven otherwise that the details of our daily existence are perfectly normal. I bring this up because I’ve been thinking a lot about the little corner of the world that I called home through my childhood lately. The series of stories I’m currently working on more or less takes place there, so I’ve been mentally wandering around the old locales of my childhood, looking for great locations for action, looking for colorful details to throw into the background. And what I’ve realized is that there is a great deal of oddity tucked away in the thick Ozark greenery.

Last weekend, the Gren clan ventured down to the Lake of the Ozarks to visit with MoMa. While there I cajoled the family into taking a little drive down the winding gravel roads that lead to the very rural property that I called home until 2nd grade. The old homestead itself didn’t hold much of use for my story, but there were two destinations for the drive…objects hiding down that old dusty road that I have come to realize, after being removed for so many years, are true rarities. I wanted to see them again to remind myself of their details. I’m not sure if I’ll use them or not, but nostalgia coupled with the prodding of a gren lurking in my imagination sent me directly to them.

Plus, it was a beautiful day for a drive.

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Oddity #1: Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery

There is a quiet clearing a few miles down the road from my family’s old farmhouse. I can’t recall the man’s name that owned it, but I do recall that my Dad was on friendly terms with him. Friendly enough at any rate for the eccentric gentleman to tell my father the story of what he had built in that quiet clearing.

It seems one night, many years ago, this unnamed Missourian looked up into the sky and saw a cluster of five UFOs flying low enough that he could see the basic design of the ships. He waved his arms and tried to make contact…but to no avail. He therefore decided to take measures to ensure that if these alien vessels ever returned, they would stop. So, he proceeded to construct an intricately detailed replica of one of the ships he had seen. He reasoned that if the aliens saw his replica ship in the clearing they would assume one of two things: a) that one of their ships had landed and they would follow to assist or b) that a human was making a clear attempt at communication. Either way, he figured they’d probably land there on his property.

The UFO in the clearing has been ravaged by time…weather and drunkards have done entropy’s work. But in its prime, the little concrete ship was a wonder. It was gleaming silver with a glass windshield, a leather seat and mock controls in the cockpit, and a thick metal door in the rear. These days, the silver has been all but worn away, replaced by graffiti and etchings. The door has been hauled away, the glass has been smashed, and the cockpit is nothing but a concrete cavity filled with litter. However, the surreal effect of hiking over a small hill to encounter a life-sized UFO parked in the forest is still as glorious as it was when my family used to visit this clearing for picnics.










We didn’t dally long…it was the first weekend of deer season.

...to be concluded in Ozark Oddities: Part II