Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Friday the 13th - Chatper 2: For Want of Pants

So, we loaded up the clan plus Jet into ZaZu the Subaru and made our way toward the Kansas City suburb that would host Sarah’s wedding. In Columbia, we stopped for gas and checked Norah’s diaper. I saw my wife’s shoulder slump and knew. Norah had flooded her poor Huggies and had turned her car seat into a urine sponge. We soaked up what we could and were thankful we were on an overnight trip since we therefore had a change of clothes for her.

Back on the road we checked her again just outside of Kansas City. Flooded again. She merrily sat there, singing songs and making faces at her uncle in her second and final pair of drenched jeans.

We had no choice but to finish the trip to Moonshot’s sister’s place (who was nice enough to put us up for the night since she also lives in Olathe.) We arrived at Mouse and FreddyJ’s home and immediately commandeered their washer and dryer. We had just enough time to dry a pair of jeans before we had to leave for the wedding. The plan was simple…we’d go to the wedding, spend a little bit at the reception and then I’d run Moonshot and Little Lutine back to Mouse’s before returning to the reception myself. It was a bit of back and forth, but the event was only about ten minutes from the house, so it wouldn’t be so bad.

Five minutes before time to go, we check the little pants only to find them still soaked (but just in water this time). Seems there is a significant difference between the “dry” setting and the “air fluff” setting. So, unless we wanted to take Norah to the wedding with no pants, she would have to miss the ceremony. New plan: Jet and I would go to the wedding, I’d come back to pick up Moonshot and Norah for the reception and then continue with plan as before. It was a bit more driving, but it was what we had. The worst part of the plan correction was that Moonshot was upset to miss the ceremony. As a mother who has truly enjoyed teaching our daughter sign, she was intrigued to see the wedding because both my cousin and her groom were deaf. We had discussed many times how we thought the ceremony would go and now she would miss it due to a lack of pants.

Jet and I rushed away and enjoyed a truly touching wedding on the banks of a duck-and-fountain-filled pond. The ceremony was conducted fully in sign with only a seated translator for us hearing folk. The only strange thing about it was the utter lack of music. I had never realized to what an extent I knew what was going on in a wedding based solely on the start and stop of music. Bridesmaids started filing in with no warning. The minister had to point to the alert us that Sarah was entering from the side. But, it was perfect for them, and that made it perfect for us, too. I only wish Moonshot could have seen it.

After the ceremony, as friends and family meandered into the reception hall, I ran to the car and drove away to pick up my own family. Ten minutes there, ten minutes back and suddenly we were passing a giggling Norah about to distant relatives who were amazed at how she had grown. Norah, who had not napped well on the drive over enjoyed this attention for exactly fifteen minutes. Then she began the dreaded melt down. They were just about to open the buffet line when she hit her limit. We whisked her away.


Driving back to Mouse’s we swung through Subway to get Moonshot and Norah a bit to eat and I realized that despite the buffet line that was currently being attacked by hungry wedding-goers, I should probably get something at Subway too. You see, weddings are typically a horrible place for a vegetarian to eat. Not that I’m really complaining. The wedding hosts owe us picky eaters nothing, really. Heck, even Moonshot and my wedding (held two months before we gave up meat) had nothing a vegetarian could have eaten. So, I throw no stones. But facts are facts…the average wedding meal has little to nothing that a vegetarian can comfortably eat. Now, I had failed to even look at the buffet at Sarah’s reception before darting out with Norah, but even if they had something, the timing was going to work such that folks would be finished eating by the time I returned. So, for want of a pair of pants for my daughter, I inhaled a sub sandwich, dropped off my family and headed back to the festivities for the third time.



I was getting to know that streatch of road pretty well.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've never had anyone come to my house and immediately take off their pants before. It was quite a night!

Anonymous said...

Just clarifying - it was Norah with the immediate pants-removal, not Moksha. :)

Mark said...

So, Norah could join The Sisterhood of the Soaking Pants.

She made her bladder gladder but her parents madder.

I know, you weren't ever angry at her; I meant "mad" as in "crazy." Now I can ask forgiveness for the lame rhyme.

It seems like an incredible ceremony. I think I would like the raw emotion at a wedding without music and without the usual preacher prattle (not that there's anything wrong with that). Kind of an entire ceremony of "you complete me" but with Zellweger and Cruise in the elevator.

Mark said...

I meant "without" Zellweger and Cruise." Dang!

Moksha Gren said...

Mouse - Never? What kind of quite boring existance must you live? No pants-free dance parties? Oh...you obviously mean just your CURRENT house.

Mark - Actually, the seoncd soaking made me guilt-ridden for not checking sooner. But the rhyme was awesomely bad. Thanks.

The wedding still had the typical preacher prattle...just quieter ;)

Moksha Gren said...

Oh, I don't have anything else to say. But I didn't want to be the only person with only one comment.

Simon said...

This is my first (rather gratuitous) comment, so that I'm not the only person with a single comment either. Please see below for what I hope will be a more meaningful one. (No guarantees though.)

Simon said...

Ah... great! Now that I have that out of the way, I should say that I WON'T forgive Mark for that horrible rhyming. I mean, really, what were you thinking?!

The flooded pants reminds me of sprinting down my in-laws' hallway a couple years ago with Dex in hand, his diaper leaking redolent brown viscera onto their carpet the whole way. Jumped into the shower and washed both of us off. Good times with wee ones and random bodily emissions!

There's a lot to be said about a pants-free environment. Heck, some of the gathering's I've attended have been sort of a drop-your-pants-at-the-door affairs. (In a purely platonic manner, of course.)

Glad that the wedding went off well. We just attended one this past weekend as well (though everybody there could hear pretty well), and it's almost always a good time.

Did the rest of the reception go all right? Will we find out soon?

Moksha Gren said...

Si - Norah has reached the age that she's holding her pee longer...therefore one good go can overflow a diaper. From dry to dripping in 3.5 seconds. On one hand it's exciting to be entering the potty training stage...on the other, it's far messier than I was expecting.

And yes, the final chapter of my Friday the 13th trilogy will be posted this afternoon at 5pm Central (thanks Blogger for finally getting a pre-scheduled post feature). You'll have to tune in to see what unexpected roll you played at the reception.

Simon said...

An unexpected role at the reception? But I'm so very far away! This should be fun! I hope...

Anonymous said...

Seems like you and your wife should have left the little one with her relatives so you both could have enjoyed the day. Didn't think did you???????

Moksha Gren said...

Oh, we thought. It's just that, "Hey, sis. How are ya, sis? Can I use your washer/dryer, sis?" while a bit bull-in-a-china-shopish doesn't seem quite as bad as "Hey, sis. How are ya, sis? Here's my pee-soaked daughter, make sure she gets fed and put to sleep, sis. Oh, she'll more than likely throw a fit at being put to bed in a strange place without her mommy and daddy...but you'll be fine, sis. Bye" ;) Had we not JUST arrived, we might have suggested such an arrangement if Aunt and Uncle had seemed open to it. But under the circumstances...it seemed inappropriate.

Simon said...

Moksha, I love to see when the Gren comes out for a little comment every now and again. Always reminds me of the cover art for that CD I have stashed in the seat pocket of my truck.

Anonymous said...

Hey now, Aunt and Uncle WERE open to baby sitting. In fact, it was practically the first question out of my mouth when Moonshot called to ask if you guys could stay with us. It's true I haven't attempted to get a toddler to sleep since my babysitting days, but I would have taken a shot at it.
I have a rep to protect here - I'm a good aunt/sister/sister-in-law! Don't be messing with my street cred, Mr. Gren. :)

Josh & Emily said...

a. For our wedding, you and Moonshot can have all the lettuce you can handle, just for you!
b. You left out the part that Moonshot asked you stop 45 minutes before we arrived to check on Norah and you refused saying that "Norah can just pee her pants, she is old enough to know better!" okay, small fib, but you get the point.
c. You hear that they changed Hockey Night in Canada Theme song?

Moksha Gren said...

Mouse - No disrespect to your awesome auntliness inteneded. I was more referring to our own desires to tread lightly as we invade other people's homes. As we mentioned to you while we were there, we already felt like we were using your home as a glorified hotel. Tacking baby-sitting onto the list of services would have made us feel bad. Not that you wouldn't have done it, just that we would have felt innapropriate asking.

Your street cred is safe.

Jet - Oh yes, Moonshot had asked me to stop around Oak Grove and I kept going, thinking "we're almost there. What difference could fifteen minutes make?" Well it wasn't 15 minutes and it clearly made a big difference. Egad! Bad Dad!

What?! They changed HNIC's theme song?!?!