Where Would You Hide?

When I was a kid, I had a play room in the basement where I kept my Star Wars toys. It was directly beside the steps and on the other side of the wall was a wasted little bit of space under the stairs. Luckily, the walls in this room were fake wood paneling that had cracked, leaving a tent flap of sorts that would grant me access to this secret space.

For some reason, Dad thought that looked tacky and set about fixing it. However, Dad always had a soft spot for secret rooms and hidden passages, so he completely understood the magical appeal of the space behind the wall.

So, he framed in a bookshelf. Nicely trimmed border, nothing out of the ordinary. But, if you pulled on the shelves, you’d discover that the whole thing sat on hidden wheels and that there were handles on the back of the bookshelf that would allow you to pull the “door” closed behind you. He gave me a pull-chain light back there and I hung posters. It was my secret room. I’d sit down there and imagine that if the Russians ever did invade…I’d hide in my special place and they wouldn’t ever find me.

That sort of thinking was fine for a 2nd grader. However, I think that little room affected me. Ya see, on a fairly regular basis, I look around a building and think, “If I had to hide in this building…where would I hide?” I no longer think that the Russians are coming. Nor do I think a clever hiding spot would save me if they did. But my imagination still rushes to this question as a fun diversion.

When I was in high school I worked at the local Piggly Wiggly grocery store. They bought out the old United Super but, the locals just couldn’t accept the goofy name. We tried to explain that it was a pretty big chain down south…but they just couldn’t deal with it and the store shut down. But that’s not my point. My point is that in the back area, they had this big box smasher. Six feet wide, four feet deep and about seven feet tall, pistons on the top would shove a massive, flat plate down into the box bin. But, I noticed that above the flat smasher plate was open…no top and no moving parts. So at sixteen I would often contemplate hiding there if terrorists or criminals of any sort were to invade the Piggly Wiggly. I figured the only way they would find me is if they used the machine. If the smasher plate were lowered…I would slowly drop righting into view. But, I was fairly confident that the terrorists were unlikely to want to smash any boxes. I was, however, aware than vicious enough terrorists might want to use the box smasher to kill a few of my co-workers. In that case I was screwed…but overall, I liked my odds.

At my current job, there are two large pillars in the large open area on the upper floor…maybe five feet by three feet. One of them houses an electrical panel and other such equipment. However, the other one seems to have been added just to visually balance out the room. I’ve used it to run some CAT-5 cable from the first floor switch room to the plenum above, so I know that it is (aside from my wires) empty. If the bad guys take over this building and I can’t, for some odd reason, escape through one of the many handy exits...I’m jumping on a table, shimmying my way into the plenum and down into that pillar. I figure I’m still in danger of random gun fire…but no one would really think to look there.

So, villians of some sort are about to invade your work. They’ve surrounded the place and would see you if you made an exit. We’ll disregard the fact that your co-workers would see you hiding and probably rat you out. We'll imagine that you’re working late or something and are there by yourself. Where would you hide? Some of you may have your answer ready. Others may want to take a little stroll around your place of business and start asking, “Could I fit in there?” and “If I were a bad guy…would I look in there?”


PS - It appears that today marks this blog's 365th day in existence. I've been jabbering on for a full year and people still seem to think I've got something worthwhile to say. Go figure.