Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Where Would You Hide?

When I was a kid, I had a play room in the basement where I kept my Star Wars toys. It was directly beside the steps and on the other side of the wall was a wasted little bit of space under the stairs. Luckily, the walls in this room were fake wood paneling that had cracked, leaving a tent flap of sorts that would grant me access to this secret space.

For some reason, Dad thought that looked tacky and set about fixing it. However, Dad always had a soft spot for secret rooms and hidden passages, so he completely understood the magical appeal of the space behind the wall.

So, he framed in a bookshelf. Nicely trimmed border, nothing out of the ordinary. But, if you pulled on the shelves, you’d discover that the whole thing sat on hidden wheels and that there were handles on the back of the bookshelf that would allow you to pull the “door” closed behind you. He gave me a pull-chain light back there and I hung posters. It was my secret room. I’d sit down there and imagine that if the Russians ever did invade…I’d hide in my special place and they wouldn’t ever find me.

That sort of thinking was fine for a 2nd grader. However, I think that little room affected me. Ya see, on a fairly regular basis, I look around a building and think, “If I had to hide in this building…where would I hide?” I no longer think that the Russians are coming. Nor do I think a clever hiding spot would save me if they did. But my imagination still rushes to this question as a fun diversion.

When I was in high school I worked at the local Piggly Wiggly grocery store. They bought out the old United Super but, the locals just couldn’t accept the goofy name. We tried to explain that it was a pretty big chain down south…but they just couldn’t deal with it and the store shut down. But that’s not my point. My point is that in the back area, they had this big box smasher. Six feet wide, four feet deep and about seven feet tall, pistons on the top would shove a massive, flat plate down into the box bin. But, I noticed that above the flat smasher plate was open…no top and no moving parts. So at sixteen I would often contemplate hiding there if terrorists or criminals of any sort were to invade the Piggly Wiggly. I figured the only way they would find me is if they used the machine. If the smasher plate were lowered…I would slowly drop righting into view. But, I was fairly confident that the terrorists were unlikely to want to smash any boxes. I was, however, aware than vicious enough terrorists might want to use the box smasher to kill a few of my co-workers. In that case I was screwed…but overall, I liked my odds.

At my current job, there are two large pillars in the large open area on the upper floor…maybe five feet by three feet. One of them houses an electrical panel and other such equipment. However, the other one seems to have been added just to visually balance out the room. I’ve used it to run some CAT-5 cable from the first floor switch room to the plenum above, so I know that it is (aside from my wires) empty. If the bad guys take over this building and I can’t, for some odd reason, escape through one of the many handy exits...I’m jumping on a table, shimmying my way into the plenum and down into that pillar. I figure I’m still in danger of random gun fire…but no one would really think to look there.

So, villians of some sort are about to invade your work. They’ve surrounded the place and would see you if you made an exit. We’ll disregard the fact that your co-workers would see you hiding and probably rat you out. We'll imagine that you’re working late or something and are there by yourself. Where would you hide? Some of you may have your answer ready. Others may want to take a little stroll around your place of business and start asking, “Could I fit in there?” and “If I were a bad guy…would I look in there?”


PS - It appears that today marks this blog's 365th day in existence. I've been jabbering on for a full year and people still seem to think I've got something worthwhile to say. Go figure.

11 comments:

Mark said...

Happy Anniversary to your blog.

I love this hiding topic. I'll have to revisit when I have more time, but if I needed to hide up here at work, I'd lift one of the raised floor tiles in the computer room and sneak under there. I'd nearly freeze, but I'd be hidden.

Or, if the terrorists were savvy about computer room floors, I could push up one of the ceiling tiles and (with the ropes and a harness I stashed up there in case of such an event), I'd monkey myself up and get in a corner. There is no second floor over that part of the building, so the roof is very far above the ceiling tiles.

Then I'd go all Red Dawn on those suckers and pick'em off one by one using a system of rare earth magnets.

One Wink at a Time said...

Good question...
First let me say that your dad was waaaaay cool to make that space for you.
I'll have to think about where to hide at work but it would probly be in the vicinity of the candy machine.
Your brother is nuts.
Happy Birthday Blog! *balloons and confetti and dancing bears*

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!

Cool topic. I have access to several equipment rooms in my building. One of them has roof access. If I had the chance, I would escape to the roof.

Moksha Gren said...

Mark - I wish our server room had one of those nifty raised floors. It would have made so many things so much easier...like hiding from terrorists.

I must admit I'm intrigued about these magnets. I'm not exactly sure why I, as a dastardly villian, should fear them. But I'll take you word for it.

Jet - There I go again...emboldening the enemy with my cowardly talk of hiding.

PC really doesn't offer many good hiding places. I had thought about that before I posted this. And your plan, while perfect in theory, would end in tragedy when you discovered that fire code requires a solid wall between adjacent units. In other words...that wall goes all the way up. Having been up there running wires, the brick does stop, but it's double sheet rocked from there to the roof.

Simon - I am so thrilled to know that you actually got up and walked the building looking for a good hiding spot. And I'm having fun imagining the evil-doers as they briefly pause from their plotting to watch the man with the plastic laser sword plummet to the floor.

"You'll find I'm full of surpri...."

They calmly return to their sinister plans.

Linda - Yes, he was cool. And yes, he is nuts.

Good hiding spot. Probably wise to stay near the food source in case the invasion goes on for a while.

All - thanks for the congrats to the blog. And thanks especially to Linda for the dancing bears.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's because my office is near the top of a highrise in downtown Honolulu, overlooking Kewalo Basin and Ala Moana Beach (from where I sit I have 180° of window), but there really aren't any good hiding spots. I guess I could run down the fire stairs, which are fairly close.

However, once it was clear that a terrorist incident wasn't just a prank, hiding would be the last thing on my mind. As an able-bodied citizen, the immediate incapacitation of all accessible terrorists would be my only priority.

b^)

Anonymous said...

Since I work in a Federal government office, I actually had to complete a little training on what to do if there is a threat in our buliding. (Mom, don't read this, it'll only freak you out.) The training basically consisted of, "If someone calls in a threat on the building, don't hang up the phone. Stand up and wave this is little pink paper around frantically until someone sees you and gets the boss." I feel so safe knowing this procedure. :)
There really aren't any good hiding places in our office. If hiding appeared to be my best option for survival, I would try to make it either of my bosses office and hide under their desks or in their closets. However, the plan that I worked out for myself upon completing the pink-paper-waiving training is to run to the conference room, which adjoins the office of investigators next door. They have guys with guns over there! The door is locked, so I'd have to knock desperately until one of them came to let me in, though.
Just in case my mom IS reading this...don't be worried. We're not in a Federal building (we rent commercial office space) so the likelihood of bad guys singling out our office for attack is extremely low. I doubt they would even know where to find us.

Simon said...

Moksha, when you use the word 'plummet' like that, I'm forced to reconsider my options. The overhead crane is still a good idea, but maybe I'll just hide there and wait for the nasties to go away. Use my Jedi mind powers to coerce the baddies into leaving.

Yeah... that's it.

PS -- I don't know who "Oaf" is, but any person boasting a 180 degree office view of a Hawaiian island is the first of this motley crew that deserves to be invaded by terror-wrists.

Moksha Gren said...

Oaf - As Simon aluded, perhaps we should get a group together and invade your office just to take over your view. Then again, since you're also the only one who seems eager to kick some bad guy butt (and I happen to know your skill with a sword would make this possible) perhaps we should just knock politely. You should post a picture just to add to the jealousy ;)

Jet - Quit your whining...you've got a cell phone. Now get back to work!

Mouse - Hmmm..this thought experiment seems less fun somehow when it gets dragged down into government protocal and training sessions. I mean...I'm glad you've got a plan, and it's cool to know that it involves pink slips of paper, but leave it to the government to suck the excitement of daydreams of cool hiding spots ;)

Also, be careful when knocking maddly on the door to the gun guys. They might be a little tense...what the invasion and all.

Simon - I like your thinking on this. Hiding isn't cowardly...it just gives you the oportunity to use your Jedi mind powers more effectivly.

Also, Oaf is my very good, but very distant friend.

Jay said...

Pfft. I'm not an escaper. If the end of the world is coming, all I want to do is crawl into my nice bed and cuddle in my bubby's arms.

Simon said...

There's a dude in the movie "300" who ends up having to wear an eyepatch. His line after losing the first one: "The gods saw fit to provide me with a spare." Seeing Oaf's picture there, I first thought that the patch was an affectation for the photo op. Uh, my bad. Don't want to antagonise somebody who's allegedly very good with a sword. (But he's all the way over in Hawaii and so not really much of a threat right now.)

I'm going to see "300" for the second time tonight, and am recommending it to all my friends. Don't go looking for a fabulous, thinking story. Don't go if you think you'll get the real history behind the Battle of Thermopylae. (Rhymes with monopoly.) And don't go if a little blood and guts unnerves you. Go if you want to be vastly entertained and don't mind, at the end, starting to question your erstwhile heterosexual preferences because there are just SO MANY ripped masculine bodies in the flick.

Hooray for Fridays!

Anonymous said...

As Simon indicated, "300" is not about bowling. If you want to see it and haven't yet, don't read the following:


-- SPOILER AHEAD --


Simon, I have to love any movie in which the monocular guy is the only credited character alive at the end (well, besides the 10-foot-tall bisexual god-king with the piercing fetish -- they couldn't very well kill him off). Even McNulty got stuck.

I have a feeling this movie will be an inspiration for offensive linemen for years to come. On 4th and inches, they'll start hollering, "to the cliffs!"

I've been looking for a reason to start keeping a katana behind the file cabinet...